This year, my focuses include…
-Make the most of the time that I’ve been given, whether it’s going out with friends, making love with a partner, engaging fully in my work, or taking care of myself by relaxing and listening to music. Every moment is precious – nothing is a waste if it’s about enhancing the quality of my life.
-Tell my partners the things that I’m afraid to say. Whether it’s that I love them, or that I want to do something different, or that I don’t agree with them, it’s important that I tell them. Opening ourselves up (as scary as that might be, especially for those of us that have a history of folks being un-trustworthy in our lives) is one of the greatest keys to creating the intimacy with our partners that so many of us want.
-Love my body more fully. The moments of self-criticism will come, but I can move past them and re-embrace my body. I don’t have to live in a space where I am cataloging the ways that it’s not ideal; instead, I can live in a space where I acknowledge the joy my body brings me, I can feel the strength of the strong parts and be compassionate and loving with the weaker parts. I can let myself off the hook for the things that I can’t do, and embrace more fully the things that I can.
-Lean towards others. The loneliest feelings come when we feel that we’re the only person that feels the way that we feel, or that we feel more broken, more ill, more wrong than other folks. Yet, we are all human, and we all experience doubt, fear, sadness, depression, uncertainty…just as we all have moments of joy, of peace, of happiness, of love, of tranquility. When we are willing to lean towards our friends (or another trusted person), we often are reminded that not only are we not alone, but that we will survive this moment, because they see us and they have felt it and they, too, have survived.
-Practice compassion. This seems to be a recurring lesson – or perhaps, it’s a lesson whose perspective has changed every year. Practicing compassion towards myself means that I treat myself with the love, the understanding, the grace, and the kindness that I treat my most beloved friends with. It means that I look for the core of humanity in others, and I do what I can to encourage and support them in their own love of themselves. And it means that, on the days where everything is awful, I remember that it is not a statement of worth, but an experience and a set of feelings that will both pass, in time.
I find that , often, resolutions dry up and drift away like dust, or they become weapons that we wield in order to further beat ourselves up. Instead, I’d like to think of these as themes for the coming year – lessons that I look to learn, experiences that I want to have, and ideals for how I make decisions for myself. And so, in that theme, I hope that each of you have a few ideas of things that you’d like to attend to in the coming year – things that you want to grow, to nurture, to adjust, and to reap, to bring you even more love, joy, and wisdom.
Happy new year!