The most difficult thing…

…about returning to my blog is the actual return. It’s investing my first post back with so much meaning that it makes up for the almost year since the last time I posted. And you know what? Screw that. This is what I’ve got.

I’ve been busy since last I was here. Mostly doing a lot of internal work on re-discovering my identity and re-evaluating my coping mechanisms for dealing with chronic depression & PTSD. Additional work has occurred to help me become a better professional, and then toss in some work on relationships and some additional creative work around what I teach, and you have for a very busy year.

So much of the big stuff that I’ve been working on has reinforced some things that I’ve known for a long time – that I am truly called to the work that I do, that I still have much to offer, and that the work I’ve done in previous years has borne delicious fruit. And some has caused me to question some of my old assumptions. The old saying that life is like peeling an onion is very true – there are multiple layers to everything, and often there are tears when we peel back each layer.

I have great respect for our heart’s inherent ability to time our growth. We often grow in starts and stops; we have lots of life lessons that point the way towards places for us to grow, and we spend a lot of time processing / thinking / experiencing that growth, followed up with the time where we can sit on the foundation that we’ve repaired (or even rebuilt from scratch) and appreciate the journey and the destination. Our hearts and souls know when it’s time, when we’re ready to tackle the next growth experience. And in retrospect, the stability of my surroundings, my work, and my relationships was what allowed me the space to take these steps.

Do me a favor, won’t you? Next time I bitch about how tough this personal growth stuff is, would you remind me that it’s always hard when we’re going through it, and always worth it once that phase is over?

2 comments ↓

#1 heartburn2 on 07.28.13 at 6:24 pm

I want to thank you for your comments your wrote. I am in the same place as you but I have not come to the conclusion as you have yet. I live with chronic pain & PTSD along with other illinesses, which would be a long list.
I am commenting because your words have struck a nerve in me to do something about where I am at in my life. Instead of bitching about how bad my life is then maybe I should bitch about how nice it will be when this phase is over!
Thank you!

#2 Heather on 08.07.13 at 6:31 pm

I’m glad you didn’t let the false weight of ‘the first post back’ stop you from posting.

I continue to look forward to all the things you have to say. They speak to me.

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