Role Models, or "What Would Barbara Do?"

Posted by Sarah Sloane on May 7, 2008 in teaching

This past weekend at Beltane I had the joyful pleasure of having some long, intimate talks with a few sexuality / relationship / BDSM educators who I greatly respect.  I’ve been in a place for a while now where I am questioning how best to serve the universe and the community of people who attend my classes, and part of that is listening to other educators and watching them as they do their work.  My friend Barbara suggested that, when in doubt, I think of someone who is an educator in a way that I want to emulate, and then asking myself, “What would they do?”.  Role models aren’t just for grade school kids anymore!

What is my utmost?  What do I want to be?  Do I want to be a slave that gives impeccable service to their owner, and yet is able to maintain their sense of self in relation to the world?  Do I want to be a shamanic top whose ultimate bliss is found in guiding their partners through the world of their own fears and emotions and celebrates their journey?  Do I want to live fulfillingly in relationships that are healthy, affirming, and joyful, even in the midst of the day to day chaos?

Create the visual of what you want.  See it.  Feel it.  Touch, taste, and smell it.  What would your life be like, look like, and unfold like?  Embrace it.  And then…open your eyes and look around.  Wait and watch for the person(s) to come around who embody those qualities.  It doesn’t need to be a single person; it doesn’t even need to be a living human being.  Fictional characters, Gods and Goddesses, mythical beings, Bella Abzug, your favorite artist, your eighth grade teacher…they’re all fine to look towards!  The key is that you are able to envision in your mind their qualities that you’d like to emulate.  Once you’re able to visualize them, you can meditate upon that quality with that person in mind; you can act “as if” you already possess the qualities you desire at the level you’d like them.  You can even ask yourself, in a moment of confusion, “What would they do?”.

I figured that my friend Barbara would write it down, and pass it along to others…so that is what I’m doing right now.  And my heart is joyful with the idea that maybe, just maybe, I’m taking another step on the path towards becoming the woman that the universe is encouraging me to be.

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